50+ Dirty Dad Jokes: Regardless of the situation, these 50+ hilarious and slightly inappropriate jokes are never truly suitable for all audiences. However, if you have the courage to deliver the punchline, you’ll definitely earn the laughter it brings.
1. After a one-night stand, what does a robot do? Answer : nuts and bolts.
2. How would you describe a nanny who has had breast implants?
Answer : faux-pair.
3. What did Cinderella do upon arriving at the ball? She gagged.
Answer : When Cinderella got to the ball, she gagged.
4. After a one-night stand, what does a robot do?
Answer : nuts and bolts.
5. What’s the difference between peanut butter and jam?
Answer : Only one contains nuts.
6. Are you a pie?
Because I’d love a piece of you.
7. My kid’s curious about the human body. I guess it’s time to hide it somewhere else.
8. Did you hear about the guy who dipped his jewels in glitter? Pretty nuts!
9. How does a hot dog enjoy the outdoors? In a Wiener-bago.
10. How does a hot dog enjoy the outdoors? In a Wiener-bago.
11. After my wife gave birth, I thanked the doctor and asked him quietly, “How soon do you think we can, you know…?” He gave a wink and said, “My shift ends in ten minutes—meet me out back.”
12. My stoner friend used my planner to roll a joint. Now he’s high on my list of priorities.
13. How does The Rock go to the bathroom? Dwayne’s his Johnson.
14. Dad buying a fake Christmas tree: Cashier: “Gonna put it up yourself?” Dad: “Of course not, I’ll put it up in the living room.”
15. Why can’t you argue with a bra-less woman? She’s already got two great points.
16. What animal has the biggest pecs? A Z-bra.
17. My wife’s mad at our neighbor who sunbathes topless. Personally, I’m on the fence.
18. Imagine if a female pirate got a new chest. That’d suck, wooden tit?
19. Why didn’t 1 hook up with 3? They weren’t ready for a three-sum.
20. The wife of 20 years asks: “Am I the only one you’ve ever been with?” Husband: “Absolutely. The others were all nines and tens.”
21. My boyfriend asked if cutting crusts off bread is like circumcision for sandwiches. I told him, “No, losing the crust doesn’t cut the cheese.”
22. Saw my wife, a bit tipsy, yelling at the TV: “Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church!” Turns out she was watching our wedding video.
23. Saw my wife, a bit tipsy, yelling at the TV: “Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church!” Turns out she was watching our wedding video.
24. My in-laws are mimes. Their visits? Unspeakable experiences.
25. My kid’s curious about the human body. I guess it’s time to hide it somewhere else.
26. If autocorrect changes ‘f**k’ to ‘duck’…you’re still using fowl language.
27. A guy rings up a pool company and says, “I have a leak in my pool.” The pool guy goes, “Feel free.”
28. Bought shoes from a dealer once. Whatever he laced them with had me tripping all day.
29. My girlfriend announced she was getting a colonic. Turns out, she was full of it.
30. I watched a documentary on marijuana. Honestly, all documentaries should be watched this way.
31. Dad tried to make coffee once. Took a sip and muttered, “Ah, like making love in a canoe.” When I asked him if that was a compliment, he just sighed and said, “Nah, it’s practically water” and poured it out.
32. Ladies, if he doesn’t get your fruit jokes, let that mango.
33. We just found out Grandpa’s hooked on Viagra. No one’s taking it harder than Grandma.
34. My boss isn’t thrilled when I shorten his name to Dick. Mostly because he’s actually called Steve.
35. The best part of gardening? Getting down and dirty with your hoes!
36. So I just came into a ton of money…unusual for me, since I typically just use a napkin.
37. Avoid cheap circumcisions—they’re just rip-offs.
38. I don’t like those people who knock on my door to tell me I need to be ‘saved’ or I’ll ‘burn.’ Silly firemen.
39. What’s six inches long and has two nuts at the end? An Almond Joy!
40. Gonorrhea would’ve made a perfect brand name for an anti-diarrheal medicine.
41. I’m dating an English teacher who keeps correcting my grammar…even during sex. She really hates when I misuse the colon.
42. My buddy is obsessed with taking blurry shower selfies. The guy’s got serious selfie-steam issues.
43. What’s got two butts and can kill you? An assassin.
44. What do you call a true expert at fishing? A skilled seaman.
45. A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Caesar walk into a bar. He came, he saw, he conquered.
46. My…record was in the Guinness Book, but the librarian told me to take it out.
47. My wife hinted at spooning, and I told her I was more into forking.
48. Why do chickens wear hats on their heads? Because their pecker’s on their face.
49. What do you call a cow who’s busy with itself? Beef Stroganoff.
